Video of monkeys getting smashed on cocktails

drunk monkey

Conflicts in the Middle East continue to threaten the price of crude and geo-political stability.

Climate change and its disastrous effects are quickly approaching the tipping point of no return.

North Korea is still a country.

Vladamir Putin is an unrelenting prick.

Waste water injection wells from fracking under the heartland are rattling our windows on a daily basis.

Our government is hopelessly dead-locked in partisan immaturity.

Somewhere an old gray politician is demonstrating an embarrassingly profound misunderstanding of science and how lady parts work.

Medicare and social security recipients want the federal government out of their lives.

The rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer.

In other words, it’s business as usual.

Screw it all. Let’s watch a video of monkeys getting shit-faced, hammered.

The Buddhistic Benevolent Machiavellians of Generation X


As of late, we’ve been thinking a lot about our generation. It’s the one that no one really talks about, and marketers haven’t marketed to since that Volkswagen commercial with the youngsters on a moonlight drive in a Cabrio, blissing out to some Nick Drake. It’s the lost generation, begotten by the Silent Generation. It’s the smaller one cramped between the baby boomers and their progeny, GenY.

We are X, and, well, we’ve learned to deal with it. In fact, many of us have learned to live and cope with just about anything, as long as we have a roof over our heads, grub in the fridge, and some decent sex.

As kids, our generation had a front row viewing of some of the most brutal divorces the United States has ever seen. Us latchkey variety of GenX-ers didn’t see a whole lot of our parents on a day-to-day basis. A lot of us raised ourselves. At night, we often dreamt of fiery-orange mushroom clouds and the molten demise of all living things.

We’ve now weathered two recessions — the first one being when most of us got out of college. Talk about crappy timing. And the other came just as some of us were trying to shift into third gear, were putting down the ink on adjustable rate mortgages, and raising young families. That is what you call, real shitty timing.

But, if all this didn’t brake us, it turned us into monks donning t-shirts and jeans. Life sandwiched between the baby boomers and GenY, in all its narcissistic absurdity, has been our monastery, and we have been forged into modern day Buddhists.

As the GenX writer, Whitney Collins says in her essay, The Zen of Gen X, “We accept impermanence.”

“Is ‘hapathy’ a word?” Whitney asks. “I don’t know. I just think the overarching theme for Gen Xers is one of happy apathy. The whole Buddhist approach to living teaches non-attachment, in that ‘attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.’”

Will we ever get our shot at running the world?

Sara Scribner, writing for Salon, said:

If we’re going to make the country a better place, more suited to our values, we [GenX] need to do it ourselves. Middle age is, if nothing else, time to shift out of second gear. If we can’t take a break from the urban farms, put down the knitting and home brewing equipment, and step into politics, business and other kinds of leadership, we’ll deserve our reputation as the generation that never quite showed up. Rather than the sound of silence, we should be hearing our voices – and they should be loud and angry.

Loud and angry? While we appreciate the sentiment, we’ll leave that to the baby boomers who perch in front of their TV’s poisoning their minds with hyperbolic 24/7 infotainment disguised as news. There is too much loud and angry choking the atmosphere already.

What’s the alternative? To become benevolent Machiavellians.

Let GenY-ers think they are special. Foster it, even, because they are. Collectively, they are more caring and compassionate about our little blue planet and all things under its skies than any other generation to come along yet.

GenY is going to have the heavy burden of fixing everything the boomers, and the age of modernity have fouled up. GenY is the paradigm shift the world has been waiting for, and urgently needs. Be patient, though, we should say to them. Give it ten years, and you guys will be in complete control. Have fun. Give it grit. Fight the good fight. Get out there and get it done — we’re right behind you. Seize your destiny, damn it! Trophies for everyone!

But, learn to relax, they should be counseled. Get eight hours of sleep per night, and meditate in one form or another. You must tend to the inner to make the outer better.

What we don’t need to tell them is that heavy is the head that wears the crown. Life will box them around, and on an individual basis, brake them or make them wise. Eventually, they will create some novel problems that the same sort of thinking can never fix, and another generation will come sweeping up behind them to sop up their mess.

And we, X, will sit by, smiling, watching life’s rich, multi-generational pageant, doing some heavy, far out meta-analysis, singing, “It’s the end of the world as we know it — and I feel fine.”

Got them Facebook blues

FB Blues

Our overworked and underpaid friends at NPR are reporting something we have suspected all along. Facebook is deliberately messing with our heads.

Says the report:

For one week back in 2012, Facebook scientists altered what appeared on the News Feed of more than 600,000 users. One group got mostly positive items; the other got mostly negative items. Scientists then monitored the posts of those people and found that they were more negative if they received the negative News Feed and more positive if they received positive items.

Life before our 20 year high school reunion was pleasantly reclusive. We had a hand full of trusted relationships that had stood the test of time. Someone at the 20 year reunion said, “We’re all on Facebook. You should join!”

“Ok,” we said, feeling a little defeated, and we logged on.

It’s an exhilarating feeling to make, and re-make hundreds of new acquaintances in a short span of time. Like a craven addict, we’d check in on our feeds hourly for a few years, until one day we got the sense that we have kind of seen it all in Facebook world.

The novelty has worn clear off. More often than not, after checking our feed, we feel a little blue, and like falling out of our chairs unconscious with boredom.

Oh, how we’ve fantasized, with index finger hovering over the mouse, about clicking on the “deactivate account” button. We’ve thought about going nuclear for no other reason than to see what it feels like to be alive in the world before Facebook was passing out a daily dose of depression.

But, if we did that, who would ever read this blog, except for some underemployed Word Press geeks? Life is comprised of necessary evils after all.

After some years of having been a slave to Facebook, we have come to realize that, despite a grand accumulation of digital “friends”, we only have the same amount of real, flesh and blood friends as we did the day before we joined.

Thomas Jefferson is believed to have taken The Holy Bible and cut out everything he didn’t like, and parsed it down to about 70 pages. If we were to throw our inhibitions to the wind, we’d go all Thomas Jefferson on our friends lists. But, that can’t be done. People would notice, and then you’d run in to someone who got the axe, whose name you can never remember, at your 30 year reunion, and everyone would be sick and dizzy with awkwardness poisoning. It’s best to leave the friend list alone.

Damn! See what happened there? Emotionally manipulated by Facebook again. The bastards.

We need some BB up in here.

Of dentists and alien abductions


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Countless, painful memories of visits to the dentist are lodged in the collective memory of Team Absurdum. Cavities, fillings, root canals, caps, extractions, braces, head gear, drills, the smell of tooth dust, and all sorts of sharp, pointy metal instruments pricking … Continue reading

Exclusive interview with Jurgen Klinsmann, head coach of the US soccer team


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After many sniveling and whiny pleas, Jurgen Klinsmann, the man at the helm of the U.S. men’s national soccer team, relented and agreed to sit down with Carpe Absurdum for an exclusive interview. “Okie-dokie,” said Jurgen in a thick German … Continue reading

The Oklahoma Zombie Law — “Muuuuuust have death certificate”


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For as long as there have been legislative bodies, there have been stupid laws being flung out of them. Here are a few classics created in the great state of Oklahoma. Cars must be tethered outside public buildings. Of course. Who … Continue reading

Monument for Oklahoma is coming along splendidly, say satanists


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They needed to raise $20,000 to have the seven feet tall, bronze statue of Baphomet built. They got $30,000, and the sculpture of Old Scratch is nearing completion, as promised by the Satanic Temple of New York. In short order, … Continue reading